Filled with Chocolate Pudding!

Jul 18

Don’t let what happened to Elaine Stritch happen to you. Eating endurance contests aren’t worth the risk. Just eat a reasonable number of hot dogs and enjoy the rest of your summer.


Jul 12

Jul 4

Jun 24
Your mother checks vehicles for sleeping children. When she finds some, she sells them to a mining corporation in a foreign land. Your father is a bum.

Your mother checks vehicles for sleeping children. When she finds some, she sells them to a mining corporation in a foreign land. Your father is a bum.


Jun 20

Baker Perkins ServoForm™ Lollipop Depositors.

For ball, spherical and flat lollipops.


Jun 13

Monkeys all jammed into barrels are not the best measure of success.


May 12

May 10

After your mother abandoned you at a bus stop, the police who found you talked it over and abandoned you at another bus stop further up the road.


May 8

May 3

Certain sorts get mad when you use the word “retard”. A good quick fix is to just replace it with “toddler”, because toddlers are retards.


Apr 16
"And the little ones picked the bones, O!"

"And the little ones picked the bones, O!"


Apr 3

I hope everybody gets measles.


Apr 2

This behavior is exemplary, and now mandatory.


Apr 1
I just think it would be good if when people’s cars need to have their oil checked, instead of some dumb little light, the tires fall off and then the doors and the hood and the roof fly off and the trunk pops open and the driver is left sitting there holding the steering wheel while smoke and sproingy springs come out of the engine.

I just think it would be good if when people’s cars need to have their oil checked, instead of some dumb little light, the tires fall off and then the doors and the hood and the roof fly off and the trunk pops open and the driver is left sitting there holding the steering wheel while smoke and sproingy springs come out of the engine.


Mar 30

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